Sober

Being sober is a blessing and a hell at the same time. I like who I am when i'm sober yet I hate myself aswell. I like who im becoming and I hate who I was when I was drinking. I made so many stupid choices and im mad at myself for getting that way. I risked my life and put myself in many at risk of death situations. I\m 2 months sober. I would get black out drunk. I've probably looked like an idiot in front of others so many times. I know thats all in the past now but it still scares me that I could go back to that. I have lots of urges and triggers. Its one second at a time. I try to look more positively at situations that make me tick, I am more aware of myself. My group meetings really help. I'm going to keep attending every week. I learn something new each time that I go, You realize everyone has there story and reasons. I feel stronger after going to the meetings. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm 30 years old now time to take charge. I hope I can keep this up.

Meditation Benefits

Brings us to the present moment
Raises our frequency
Opens us up to receive unlimited information and ideas
Relaxes us
Relieves stress
Strengthens our intuition and ability to focus
Allows us to hear our inner voice more clearly
Fills us with light and love
Puts us in a good mood
Helps us love ourselves

early morning mumbo jumbo

It is currently 5:23am I ant sleep I guess I have too much in my mind. At least when I have to go back to work I know i'll be up extra early. I only have about two weeks left off of work. I guess im anxious to go back. Excited and like its the first day of school nervous. Will I remember how everything works. I guess its like riding a bike once your there it will all come back to you. Well hopefully.. I was supposed to go to the museum today with my aunt but the weather out here is horrendous and you dont want to be outside. Freezing rain started last night. I had both my therapies yesterday they went really well both of them did I think I got a lot out of them. But two in one day can be really exhausting. I fell asleep on the couch last night I was so tired. My in laws are visiting us. My boyfriends father has a doctor apt early morning and its much easier for them to stay at our place with all this bad weather. His father has been suffering from Bipolar disorder something that runs in there family. I worry for my futures childrens mental health with all the different illness's that run in both our families. My father was also Bipolar and now myself and my brother have been diagnosed with it. I wonder if it will effect my boyfriend one day. I hope not we definitely need one level headed person around. I wonder how my moms feeling I came down pretty hard on her the other day with my emotions about her new boyfriend. I am feeling better since I was able to get everything I needed to off my chest. I guess everything takes time. One minute One hour one day. My boyfriends mom said I lost weight it made me feel so good as I am really trying to loose some weight watching what im eating being off hormones changing medications is not the best for weight. I had gained a bunch since my dad had died. I was emotionally eating during the whole time we were at the hospital food and shopping were my outlets. Well they both caught up with me. Anyways at least i'm doing something about it now. I'm glad to loose some before I have to go back to work too. Today is going to be a me day. I have a bunch of stuff I need to do so I will work on that.

How I started my day

Good morning, today is a good day, I started today with hope for my future. I also did a 10 minute mediation. Burnt some incense and got in tuned with myself. Later today I have two of my therapies I always have a hard time getting there but once im there im happy. Todays always long though since the last one finishes at 9pm. Makes for a really long day. I'm going to check in on my mom later and see how shes doing today. Remember the universe is out to do you good and new opportunities are coming your way. Be your best self. Today right now in this moment you are alive and you have all the energy strength and passion you need. Have a bright and wonderful day.

Remember

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Self love Mantra

I've seen better days, but I've also seen worse. I don't have everything I want, but I do have all that I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.

Super bowl Sunday (girlfriends perspective)

So does anyone else have a boyfriend that you lose to half the year every Sunday because its football with the boys. Super bowl is a whole event in its self. Starts early the boys have breakfast then continue on with a good hockey game continued on to a day of drinking beers and rooting for your team. Meanwhile the girlfriends are in the kitchen slaving away making all the finger foods for the night not even really sure who is playing. I've asked at least 10 times and it just wont stick. I'm not going to ask again ill just look it up this time.

Empaths

1. Know when your lying
2. Can feel toxic energy approaching
3. Are very connected to their partners emotions
4. Need lots of time alone to recharge
5. Are extremely hard to manipulate


Continue to love
Continue to forgive
Continue to grow

I am strong

I AM STRONG
because I know my weakness
I AM BEAUTIFUL
because I am aware of my flaws
I AM FEARLESS
because I learnt to recognize illusion from real
I AM WISE
because I learn from my mistakes
I AM A LOVER
because I have felt hate
    and
I CAN LAUGH
because I have known sadness

Quotes

Here are some positive quotes ive recently enjoyed and helped bring peace to my life. 

We do not heal the past by dwelling there we heal the past by living in the present moment.

Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you, or take you for granted. But more than this forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. 

I live in a loving, abundant, harmonious universe and I am grateful. 

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.

- Rumi 

Many of the things we deserve are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are free: love, laughter and good relationships. 

If you find happiness people may be jealous - Be happy anyway- Mother Teresa 

Life is way to short for bad vibes  

The people who are with you during your darkest nights are the ones worth spending your brightest days with. 

There is no mystery to the miracle of self healing. it is courage, commitment, and consistency that moves us from misery to inner peace. 

When you talk you are only repeating what you already know, but when you listen you may learn something new. - Dalai Lama 

When life gets harder, challenge yourself to be stronger. 

The goal isnt to appeal to the masses, the goal is to awaken. 

Affirmation of the day

In the infinity of life, where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. The past has no power over me because I am willing to learn and to change and to see the past as necessary to bring me to where I am today. I am willing to begin where I am right now to clean the rooms of my mental house. I know it does not matter where I start, so I now begin with the smallest and the easiest rooms, and in that way I will see results quickly. I am thrilled to be in the middle of this adventure, for I know I will never go through this particular experience again. I am willing to set myself free. All is well in my world. - Louise Hay

Let us choose to think thoughts that nourish and support us. Think thoughts that make you happy, do things that make you feel good.

Reiki and Crystals

I just got the book I've been waiting for in the mail finally! Reiki and Crystals by Kathy Glober Scott. I'm going to have the chance to meet her in April at a seminar i'm so excited about that! I'm so into all my new spiritual ventures its really opening me up to as a person and with allowing me to express my thoughts.

What is Reiki?

"My Reiki Ryoho is an original method based on intuitive power in the Universe. By this power,the body gets healthy and embraces happiness of life and peaceful mind. " -Dr. Usui

Reiki is an ancient technique for healing and transformation that came back to us through Dr. Usui. Dr. Usui rediscovered this technique back in the 1920's.

What are crystals?

A crystal is a solid, symmetrical structure in which the atoms and molecules are packed in a regularly ordered, repeating pattern extending in all three spatial dimensions.

I cant wait to read more and understand more about crystals I really notice a difference after smudging my crystals they hold strong energy.

Grateful part 1

" You cannot exercise much power without gratitude because it is gratitude that keeps you connected with power." - Walter Wittles

I'm grateful for my house
I'm grateful for my aunt
I'm grateful for my family
I'm grateful for my sister in law

" A hundred times everyday I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving." - Albert Einstein

" If the only prayer you say is - Thank you- that is enough." - Meister Epckhart

1. Be grateful for everything you have received in your life (past)
2. Be grateful for everything you are receiving in your life (present)
3. Be grateful for what you want in your life, as if you already have received it (future)

When you even act as if you are grateful when your not example: You hate your job. Pretend life you love it be positive around others and see that it will change for you and it will.

It's impossible to feel sad or have negative feelings when you're grateful. If your in a difficult situation in your life, look for something to be grateful for and when you find one thing look to another, and then another, because every single thing you find to be grateful for changes the situation. Gratitude is the bridge from negative feelings to harnessing the force of love!

When your grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will receive more of those things. If your grateful for the money you have, however little, you will receive more money. If your grateful for a relationship, even if its not perfect the relationship will get better. If your grateful for a job, you will receive better opportunities in your work. Because gratitude is a great multiplier of life.

To use the power of gratitude, practice it. The more you feel gratitude, the more love you give, and the more love you give, the more you receive.

Be grateful! Gratitude costs you nothing, but it is worth more than all the riches of the world.

" Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere". - Albert Einstein

" Everything is possible for the person who believes." - Jesus

Lance Armstrong, Arnold Shwarzenegger , Nikola Tesla all these people played with their imaginations and felt their dreams with all their heart. Their imagining became so real, they could feel their dreams and know they would happen. Keep an open mind anything is possible.

Crystal of the day : Celestite

Celestite represents Angelic communication, access to higher dimensions, serenity. Celestite Element is Wind. Chakras = Third eye, Crown and Transpersonal Etheric. It offers a gentle uplifting energy which can uplift ones awareness into higher realms. Spiritually it stimulates ones connection to the devine source. It can assist in removing negative attachments and in clearing the auric field of debris. Emotional Celesitite brings upon calm , centered and uplifted feeling into the emotional body. It helps one to feel safe and protected and can be used to overcome fear, suspicion or even paranoia. Celestite helps one feel optimistic, energetic, even euphoric. Physical celestite are sulfates and are useful in clearing infections and attachments of all kinds. They are cleansing to the auric field stimulating to the energy systems of the body and can help to activate metabolism. It is helpful to heal eye infections and weakness. Affirmation of celestite is I am a loving being in the fullness of serenity and inner truth, always in communion with my higher self, angles and spiritual guides.

Affirmation Thursday

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. My life is ever new. Each moment of life is new fresh and vital. I use my affirmative thinking to create exactly what I want. This is a new day, I am a new me. I think differently, I speak differently, I act differently. others treat me differently, My new world is a reflection of my new thinking. It is a joy and a delight to plant a new seeds, for I know these seeds will become my new experiences. All is well in my world.

Music im listening to

50 cent - I'm the man ft Chris Brown
Ed Sheeran - Shape of you
Major Lazer - Believer
Bruno Mars- Uptown funk
Mura Masa - Lovesick ft Asap Rocky
The weeknd - Party Monster
Major Lazer - Cold water ft Justin Bieber
Major Lazer- Run up
Sean Paul - No lie ft. Dua Lipa
Drake - Fake love

Turning 30 soon

So my 30th birthday is around the corner in 16 days.. I cant believe im 30 years old it feels so weird to say 30 im in my 30s . I feel like whats the next chapter of life for this decade. My 20s ive built up the relationship with my boyfriend. We've been dating for 10 years now so long I would like to get engaged hopefully. I know hes not to keen on it. Maybe have kids. Wow im scared but excited to see what will happen in my 30s. I miss my dad wish he was here I really need his advice and talks. I miss them so much. I would give anything to have another lecture from my dad they were always so up building.

Today

So much to do so little time.

What i've been doing. 

So I have this hoard room and I really need to get it clean! So I started today. I want to turn it into a art room. I dyed my hair today dark brown its growing on me. Its currently 3:00pm guess ill go clean the kitchen,... My boyfriend came home early today which was a nice surprise. Not sure what to make for dinner tonight we dont have much in the fridge. Last night we picked up Wendys it was pretty good. 

Woke up to a crazy dream

Wow so my dream was super intense, I was at some convention and there was about to be a play I get up from my seat to look for the bathroom and end up back stage so I keep trying to find the washroom but keep getting further and further onto the stage then I get lifted up in a prop that makes you fly like peter pan across all the audience there expecting me to say lines but I have no idea what to say. I make something up people laugh. Im doing ok im dieing though of embarrassment and there a little tiny budding flower in my hand and someone shouts give it to your mother the voice sounds like my god mothers so I find my mom in the audience and I give her this tiny flower. She has a look of disappointment in her face. Then I wake up.. dreams are so weird I wish we could decode them. I feel like dieing my hair today but im not sure if its a bad idea. The die I have is a dark brown but I was thinking if maybe I dont leave it in for as long.. I just want to get rid of the two tone I have in my hair. What to do what to do.. Maybe my mom would feel like doing it for me.. ill give her a call later. I had therapy last night it went well, im still not sure if this group is really for me. I find the facilitator a bit too judgmental in others behaviors. I'll give it another shot as it was only the 2nd time ive gone but both times now Im not completely satisfied with it.