I've come a long way but theres still more work to do

Hi its been awhile since I've written yet I haven't forgotten about you. I had a relapse with my depression again which sucks but I'm feeling stronger about getting better this time. Which should mean I'm on the right track right? hmmm I guess we shall see. I got a lot of stuff done today which is always hard for me to do so im quite proud. Its currently 12:39pm. I'm glad to be back on my blog. So whats new with me ? I defs feeling wiser this past year, I've kept up with my spiritual learning and crystals and meditation feels great I recommend it :) I've been painting still and doing my art, journaling and writing A LOT which is another great outlet. I've been trying to walk the dogs every night not always easy to do though. I miss my dad every single day. I feel lost without him here. Death of a loved one sucks! My moms still with her boyfriend I cant believe it. Its over a year already and I still have no relationship with him. I dont think I ever will. Its still too weird for me. I started vaping in hopes to cut down on smoking hope it will help. I've been reading so much a lot of thrillers lie to me was a great one I really enjoyed this one. My dogs are the best support system around me dont know what I would do without them! Well I think i'll leave you with this today. 

Ladysibby 

Sober

Being sober is a blessing and a hell at the same time. I like who I am when i'm sober yet I hate myself aswell. I like who im becoming and I hate who I was when I was drinking. I made so many stupid choices and im mad at myself for getting that way. I risked my life and put myself in many at risk of death situations. I\m 2 months sober. I would get black out drunk. I've probably looked like an idiot in front of others so many times. I know thats all in the past now but it still scares me that I could go back to that. I have lots of urges and triggers. Its one second at a time. I try to look more positively at situations that make me tick, I am more aware of myself. My group meetings really help. I'm going to keep attending every week. I learn something new each time that I go, You realize everyone has there story and reasons. I feel stronger after going to the meetings. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm 30 years old now time to take charge. I hope I can keep this up.

Meditation Benefits

Brings us to the present moment
Raises our frequency
Opens us up to receive unlimited information and ideas
Relaxes us
Relieves stress
Strengthens our intuition and ability to focus
Allows us to hear our inner voice more clearly
Fills us with light and love
Puts us in a good mood
Helps us love ourselves

early morning mumbo jumbo

It is currently 5:23am I ant sleep I guess I have too much in my mind. At least when I have to go back to work I know i'll be up extra early. I only have about two weeks left off of work. I guess im anxious to go back. Excited and like its the first day of school nervous. Will I remember how everything works. I guess its like riding a bike once your there it will all come back to you. Well hopefully.. I was supposed to go to the museum today with my aunt but the weather out here is horrendous and you dont want to be outside. Freezing rain started last night. I had both my therapies yesterday they went really well both of them did I think I got a lot out of them. But two in one day can be really exhausting. I fell asleep on the couch last night I was so tired. My in laws are visiting us. My boyfriends father has a doctor apt early morning and its much easier for them to stay at our place with all this bad weather. His father has been suffering from Bipolar disorder something that runs in there family. I worry for my futures childrens mental health with all the different illness's that run in both our families. My father was also Bipolar and now myself and my brother have been diagnosed with it. I wonder if it will effect my boyfriend one day. I hope not we definitely need one level headed person around. I wonder how my moms feeling I came down pretty hard on her the other day with my emotions about her new boyfriend. I am feeling better since I was able to get everything I needed to off my chest. I guess everything takes time. One minute One hour one day. My boyfriends mom said I lost weight it made me feel so good as I am really trying to loose some weight watching what im eating being off hormones changing medications is not the best for weight. I had gained a bunch since my dad had died. I was emotionally eating during the whole time we were at the hospital food and shopping were my outlets. Well they both caught up with me. Anyways at least i'm doing something about it now. I'm glad to loose some before I have to go back to work too. Today is going to be a me day. I have a bunch of stuff I need to do so I will work on that.

How I started my day

Good morning, today is a good day, I started today with hope for my future. I also did a 10 minute mediation. Burnt some incense and got in tuned with myself. Later today I have two of my therapies I always have a hard time getting there but once im there im happy. Todays always long though since the last one finishes at 9pm. Makes for a really long day. I'm going to check in on my mom later and see how shes doing today. Remember the universe is out to do you good and new opportunities are coming your way. Be your best self. Today right now in this moment you are alive and you have all the energy strength and passion you need. Have a bright and wonderful day.